It’s like 2:55 in the morning and about 30 minutes ago I decided to eat something. I got up, walked over to the fridge and thought to myself, “What am I going to eat? Oh I know, I’ma eat me a salad.”

Now I know that ain’t gud Anglish but you know what? I, like most (like that means anything), tend to take shortcuts in speech at times. Yea, I went to hi schul and gradu ate it and even went off 2 colege for a two yers. But hey, I can take shortcuts simply because I can. Fix your eyes. Fix yo’ eyes.

Salad Preparation

So I got out the head lettuce which is probably a fourth of the head of it was left that I bought at H-E-B either on Parmer or TechRidge a few days or so ago. H-E-B is my preferred grocery store. Back to the head of lettuce. What I did was place it on the counter. Looked in the meat drawer or whatever the thing is called and got out some Buddig’s Oven-Roasted Cured Turkey Breast & White Turkey sandwich meat. Yes I know it’s sandwich meat, but it became my salad meat. You noticed the word ‘cured’ in that title? Well keep that in mind and allow me to continue on. So I still have the fridge door opened and get my tasty Hill Country Fare Ranch Dressing out. Not only is it made for the frugal (not to be mistaken for people who are just cheap), but it tastes just as good as more popular brands like Kraft. Actually, I take that back. Hill Country Fare’s Ranch is better than Kraft. Now you might disagree and well that’s quite alright because you like what you like and I like what I like. Enough said.

After opening up the lettuce, I open it up and slice me up some lettuce. I like my lettuce sliced like thinly sliced meat. Maybe you culinary folks can assist me with the proper terminology. Anyway, you get the drift. Think of a Big Mac (which I love by the way, with their Thousand Island Dressing they add to it) and how the lettuce is on that. That’s how I like my lettuce cut. I pull out a plate from the cabinet above. It’s more of a saucer than a plate. I eat in small portions. So I put the sliced lettuce on the saucer no bigger than the saucer in this photo to the right, minus that mug with that nasty drink in it. That’s probably coffee and well I hate coffee. First off, it smells terrible to me. So if you are a coffee drinker, make sure you wash your mouth before talking to me and don’t bring that stinky stuff near me. Don’t care if it is in a mug or closed container. The smell wreaks as bad as stinky toebacco, onions and garlic. So please keep it away or I will most certainly walk in the opposite direction. If I happen to like you and stand there to cope with it, I will look at you with a look on my face like you stink. Don’t get offended. You’ve been warned ahead of time. So the saucer is that size and what the nicely sliced up lettuce was placed on.

I open up the back of… excuse me. I mean, the BAG of meat and (don’t feel like hitting the backspace to correct my booboo there, but it’s been noted) and take out two slices of good ol’ tasty turkey breast meat. I put it on the counter top (yea no cutting board) and placed the bag to the side. Then I picked up the same knife I used to cut the lettuce with (the closest knife to me was that of a steak knife with those real jagged edges and a round tip – not a dull knife but a steak knife, get it right). I cut the slices in half, stacked it, sliced in half again, stacked that and sliced in half — or wait no third half slice. I had them all stacked and then cut them in rectangular shape. Now this was not my intent to be all neat; it just turned out that way. I mean, I could have just used my fingers to tear it up. But I suppose I wanted the edges of my meat with smooth straight edges and not all which-a-way. So I guess my intent on a subconscious level was to, in fact, be all neat. Hmmmm. Anyhoo.

Now I picked up the cut up meat by Buddig (the one in the middle in the pic to the left) with my fingers (no gloves) and put it on my lettuce, which was on the saucer. I got the tasty Ranch Dressing made by Hill Country Fare (16ox or 16oz – nope not using the backspace) and poured some on. My intent was to pour just a little but the damn thing POURED out all damn fast, that I had a glob on my salad. AH! Was I happy? Uh…no! I was like, “Oh shoot!” But luckily I was able to save my salad from being drowned in Ranch. If I put too much on the salad, then it won’t taste right to me. It’s got to be barely on it. Just enough to wish you had more while not having more. If you need some level of measurements, then I’d say less than half of a tablespoon for this saucer-small salad. I like to taste the ingredients and if anything I absolutely LOVE lettuce. Call me a rabbit if you want to but I love that veggie!

Time to Eat

I grab a fork, sit down at the table and enjoy every bite of my salaaaahd, right? I bet you thought that’s what I did. Wrong! I cleaned up. Aired out the sandwich meat bag and zipped it back up, wrapped up the lettuce and put it away, put the Ranch Dressing back in the fridge after closing it and wiped down the counter while placing the knife in the sink. And then, I grabbed my fork, sat down at the table to enjoy my salad. Now I know it’s a simple salad and some of you may not even call it that. But so what. You like what you and I like what I like. It was the perfect salad for 2 something in the morning. When I was done surely my hunger was cured. I suppose that has something to do with the Buddig’s meat? You think? Uh…! When I was done I did the following:

• Cleaned my saucer and put it in the dishwasher to dry (I’d rather wash by hand than use a dishwasher).
• Cleaned my fork and put it in the dishwasher to dry.
• Cleaned the knife and put it in the dishwasher to dry.
• Wiped down the counter again (don’t ask why, I just did it).

Time for a Drink of Welch’s Grape Juice Cocktail

Made some grape juice with ice in a Simply Lemonade with Raspberry bottle I kept (it still had some other juice in it but I drank the little corner left of that before making Welch’s other addictive drink called Grape Juice Cocktail).

Once the grape juice was made, I got a little red cup that I got free from some event out in Wells Branch a few months back and filled it about 1/3 ways up. And gulped it down. Remember, I deal in small portions (most of the time). But also remember that I had gulped down the little bit of juice that was left in the bottle (Welch’s Orange Pineapple Apple) before I made the Grape juice. So in all I probably had about a little over 1/3 of juice to drink. And then I washed out my cup and put the juice in the fridge. I am a juice drinker. If I’m not drinking juice then I’m drinking water, Powerade or V8 juice (oh that’s juice). Every blue moon as in every 5+ years, I’ll have me a soda. Nope don’t drink alcoholic beverages. Just don’t have a taste for it.

Well, I know it sounds like I did a whole lot by the looks of this read. However, it took all but 5 minutes to do and I didn’t gobble it down so maybe another 5 minutes to eat it and maybe 5 minutes to make the juice and drink some. So about 10-15 was my little early morning snack including the eating and drinking time.

It was sufficient and I am content.