Meet Halima

I excused myself from the table at a jazz club with a group of people I was getting to know. I couldn’t really enjoy the time I was having because the person I had feelings for was sitting right beside me in a sexy evening dress and damn she smelled fine. This was none other than my friend Sonita.

I’d laugh at a joke here and there and took notice of her smiling with joy being so engaged in the conversation, not really noticing me. I saw how she would pick up her drink to take a sip and how I wished my lips could feel hers. I’d look away as she’d laugh at something again while her hand fell upon mine. I smiled even though I hadn’t a clue if she was touching me trying to tell me something or just her needing to touch something since she was so gripped with laughter. I don’t even recall what was so funny. Maybe this was her subliminal way of touching me without it being noticed by her friends as a touch of interest.

Well, as mentioned in the beginning I did excuse myself and went to the bathroom. As I was going in I saw a lady coming out. It didn’t appear as if anyone else was in there. So I stood there in front of the mirror for a second and looked at myself. I felt sad a little. A dreamer whose dreams stay only in dreams to never reach one’s awakening reality; that was me. Just something in my head, thoughts to never be discovered to be enjoyed on the outside of how I felt for this woman I had grown close to over the years. She and I have known each other for a long time and I wanted more than just her friendship. Thing is, I know she doesn’t feel the same. “Maybe I’d have a better chance if I were male,” I thought to myself, “but I enjoy being a female and wouldn’t change that for anything and yet I still want her.”

I take a deep breath in and exhale tears. I turn on the faucet, cold water and bend over cupping my hands to be filled ready for my face to be submerged. I wash my tears away as I feel the coldness tickle the tiny pores of my brown skin. I hear the door open and quickly I regain my composure, reach for a paper towel to dry my face, go for my glasses and I hear “Halima, are you ok?”

I turned and noticed it was Sonita. But of course, I knew this already. Sonita has a distinct voice of her own. I had just been thinking of her. So, had I telepathically messaged her unknowingly to come where I was and there she stood? I think yes a part of me wanted her to come “to me” but didn’t really think she would. So I responded, “Yes, I’m cool. Why?” She goes into explaining how I had been in there for about 15 minutes. Apparently, I just lost track of the time. “I was coming to check on you,” she says.

How nice to be thought of. If only she cared for me more than just showing a concern for a friend. I say again while clearing my throat, “I’m fine, Sonita. Thank you.”

I take note of her change of position as she moves closer into my personal space, where before was a good amount of space between us. She’s like, “What’s wrong?” I cock my head upwards to the right as she tries to look at my eyes that had turned slightly red by my tears. I damn sure didn’t want her feeling sorry for me so I say, “I’m fine, lady. Let’s go. They are probably waiting for us.”

My head was still cocked upwards because now she’s got her hand on my right cheek. I can feel her pressing up against me and I lean back, lick my lips and actually start laughing saying, “You’re kind of close, aren’t you?” And I look at her finally and we lock eyes for a split moment before BAM! swings open the bathroom door. Her homegirl busts in and she sort of jumps back.

I just watch her reaction while I was leaned up against the sink as she tries to look like nothing was about to happen. “What cha’ll doing up in here?” her friend asks. So I’m watching Sonita to see what she’ll say and too much time elapsed to me for us to be standing there like we done something wrong was ridiculous so I say, “Talking, but we were on our way out.”

My friend looked at me with some look, but clearly she wasn’t ready to be all sure with me. So, as I was walking out I said, “I’ll meet ya’ll outside.”

To be continued…