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Intro

I used to think I was asexual at one point. But after some “soul searching” and getting a better understanding of what an asexual is, I realized I just hadn’t met anyone I was sexually compatible with (not like I’m looking either).

Turned OFF By Sexual Thoughts of the Male Gender

The thought of having sex with a male actually turns me off. I tend to get disgusted with the idea of his penis entering my body. I for some reason get this weird image of a wormy, alien-ish looking thing when envisioning a penis. Yea, don’t ask. And no I don’t watch too much TV. I’m not even into alien sci-fi kind of stuff. But that insane image enters my mind. Now I used to watch male and female porn. And one day some years ago, the eyes of my mind did a number on me. By that I mean, perspective — looking at things differently from another viewpoint. And was it a pleasing viewpoint? No! I started to actually look at what was being done and what the penis really looked like. And that thing is just NOT attractive. I used to watch plenty of porn so you know how many different penis’ I’ve seen. I’m sure if you’ve ever watched porn you’ve seen more than one kind of penis. And the new perspective, doesn’t make me thing “Mmmm yummy!” If I have sex with a man, I’m thinking “Don’t show me what your shit looks like just hurry up and hide it away inside of me.” haha.

Things in general might be unattractive. But one thing I know for sure is that no matter how unattractive a thing is, it can in some way provide some level of pleasure; even just a tiny bit.

So since then, I don’t enjoy watching porn between a male and a female having sex. And that extends to mean I don’t like the THOUGHTS of having sex with a male, either, because that nasty ass image seems to always pop up. And it’s not a scary image. Don’t get it twisted. It’s just plain nasty. There is a difference between something being scary and something being nasty. But whatever, it’s a mental block, blocking my sexual interest in males that doesn’t seem to agree with my body. And my body can’t feel anything from thoughts alone or via visuals of porn because I cannot produce the thoughts or see passed that image. And to top it all off, men are either too grunt-ish like some ogre or too quiet like a mute (no offense to those who really are mutes). Just look at some porn and tell me I’m lying. It’s a HUGE turn off. And honestly that’s what started my lack of interest in me having sex with guys. Then the image came next. I’d rather flirt with the idea with a guy I was attracted to on other levels than to participate in the actual act. Been like that since age 17 when I started to feel sexually attracted to guys. It produced more pleasurable results anyway (FOR ME).

Interesting enough, I do enjoy watching two men have sex (gay porn) much like most males enjoy watching two females kiss and/or have sex. I can see passed the image with that. But sometimes the images slips into view and well that’s when I stop watching it. I’ve been told I’m a porn analyzer. I used to watch it for laughs, too. But that’s for another post.

So, if I meet a man whom I feel that sexual vibe with, then well it will be what it is without denial. Just because thoughts of it turn me off doesn’t me I can rightfully rule out the possibility of the existence of a sexual attraction with the “right one” (compatible with me). It has happened at least once before with a guy I was with so don’t see why it couldn’t again. Lately though it hasn’t.

Also, I do not have sex with guys I just meet nor with men I don’t know. Get real. I may like an easy life but I’m not the slutty type that sleeps with anyone just because they’re horny and can’t find a person they are compatible with so finds the first joe blow they are even a tiny bit attracted to on some level (not sexuall) and fuck him. Please! I’d rather masturbate than be sexually intimate with a stranger. My body is picky, just like my mind and spirit. If we do not connect on multiple levels don’t expect the connection of any bodily parts between the two of us.

I could be horny in the certain moments but trust me when I say this: men haven’t been able to keep me in that state of horniness longer than a minute. I love sensual massages but only if done by someone I connect with. If not it’ll just feel like me lying down watching tv relaxing.

If I do not connect with a man, my body will shut down in an instant and things will not happen and I’ll lose interest in a man sexually extremely quick and you’ll wonder “What happened”. What happened was you weren’t satisfying enough to keep my wheels spinning to the point of entrance. In other words, you weren’t “the one” for me sexually - point blank. And if you enter don’t think my body won’t tell you how it feels because if it doesn’t like your penis, movements and vibes you will know even if you attempt to ignore it. Sticking a body dead to your vibe would be like fucking a corpse. You may hear me exhale but it’s the exhale of frustration me urging my mind body and soul to wake up to feel you because I’m wanting it to because I’m attempting to fill a void I have yet to fill and am trying to make you be “the one” to fill it when the puzzle piece just does NOT fit! I won’t do that again though.

When I inhale and exhale with ecstasy you will most certainly be able to tell because not only will you feel it, it will show.

It takes an extremely special kind of man to first get me horny and next to keep me that way on the way to bliss. Out of 4 males I’ve had sex with I’ve cum once. And that was over 8 years ago with the first guy I had sex with (my former boyfriend of years ago - a better friend than boyfriend). However, it was after we had sex about 5 times did I cum but everything about me was feeling him that’s for sure. He had sexually appealing traits and a lot of guys don’t (to me). But so far with the exception of him, no man has been able to do that. 

So if you THOUGHT I was horny and we didn’t have sex it’s because it just wasn’t going to happen and I made sure of it in ways beyond your comprehension. So yes I would enjoy sex with a man IF he and I were connected on a lot of levels and were sexually compatible.

Sex with Three Males at Separate & Individual Times

Now I have had sex with three males my whole life thus far. The males of whom I felt even the slightest bit of sexual attraction to only after I was attracted to parts of their personality that triggered sexual interest. But that doesn’t happen with all males I happen to like. And doesn’t mean I’m not attracted to males just because I may not have a sexual attraction to them. I can like a man but not have any sort of sexual interest in him. You know how? Because attraction consists of more levels than just sex. DUH!

So out of the three guys I had sexual relations with there was one I felt sexually attracted to a hell of a lot more than the other two. He was actually my boyfriend at the time and he had one of those sexy personalities or a personality that consisted of sexually appealing qualities that turned ME on (can’t speak for others). The other two, uhhhh not quite. This was several years ago when I actually liked the idea (thought) of being sexually intimate with a male. But again for the passed 3 years or so, if I think about having sex with males I get disgusted. That’s evidence of my thoughts and body not being in agreement on that issue.

Turned ON By Sexual Thoughts of the Female Gender

Yes, yes, yes and yes, I do love the thought of having sex with a woman I’m attracted to on more than one level besides sex. That excites me beyond measure. For real! I enjoy watching two women have sex (not all women — some are too screechy sounding — I HATE THAT). I enjoy the many thoughts of pleasing a woman of personal interest. I enjoy engaging in flirting with certain women the idea of sexual intimacy and acting upon those thoughts with those women (separate times and not threesome nor orgy). I won’t get vivid on this one so I’ll leave it at that. But I wasn’t always like this. It just recently became of me (well about a year ago) when I made the well-thought out and conscious decision to expand my mind and open up. With females my thoughts and body are in 100% total agreement. Enough said.

But I’ll Take Either Or If the Vibe Shows Itself

Nonetheless, I go both ways male or female. Doesn’t matter. Because honestly, attraction isn’t just about sex. Sex is just ONE aspect of attraction besides emotional, mental and other levels of attraction. Besides, there really isn’t much of a difference between the two genders except the obvious — their gender — one has male body parts and the other has female body parts. The rest is personality and every person has one with same and unique traits that cause attraction of ANY kind.

So Am I an Asexual or What?

• Asexual with Man - With man I’m an asexual; having no thought interest nor bodily desire to have sex. I haven’t had the sexual desire for a man for like the passed 3 or 4 years. My thoughts lack the interest in having sex with males. My body, on the other hand, will have a sexual interest in males, if I ever meet a sexually compatible match. Other than that, you won’t catch me daydreaming about being sexually intimate with some dude.

• Completely Interested with Woman - With woman, I’ve realized just a year ago that I am definitely interested in sexually along with other levels of attraction. I’d rather have sex with certain women than any man. I’d rather be with a woman (as in a relationship) than with a man (and I’m not looking).
  

  Not that man has done me wrong enough to hate them and act like a rebellious child because “Oh he broke my heart! All men are dogs, I’m going to turn lesbian!” Waa! Waa! GET REAL! If you haven’t already noticed I’m the mature type. I don’t act like those people who use that as some sort of crutch to “turn to their own gender”. Naw! My reasons are well thought out and maturely acted upon. So I don’t hate men. I still love ‘em. Especially if they are short and stocky.

  It’s just I, too, find females attractive just as males find us beautiful females attractive. I love my own gender. Have a problem with it? Too damn bad! Because it’s my life; you worry about your own. Give anyone ONE real, genuine, honest, truthful, logical and sensible explanation why they shouldn’t love their own gender and I’ll quickly give you 10 irrefutable reasons why they should. I can start off with…
  

  To not love one’s own gender or give them a “chance” because one is of the same gender is to self-destruct on another level and discriminate against one’s own “kind”. And if you do discriminate, then you can easily identify with the mind of a racist, sexist, bigot and chauvinist as they all share the same concept just mentioned. You’re smart, figure it out.

  My thoughts are interested in having sex with females. My body is, also, interested in having sexual relations with females. So you may not “catch me” daydreaming about being sexually intimate with some dude but you will “catch me” doing so about a woman.

Be Breezy.

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