In the past, I haven’t been attracted to females because it hadn’t really dawned on me that I could be attracted to females. Well in the PRESENT I am. And it’s not a phase. Allow me to help you get a clear understanding of why it’s not a phase. A phase is saying it’s only temporary. To say being attracted to the same gender or both is just a phase is to say attraction in general is just a phase like a child sucking his/her thumb. Ponder on that for a bit, it’s really simple if you remain objective. Well, I realize that my interests in what attracts me to males are in fact also found in the female gender. So, if you possess any of those traits and are a female, then I’m going to be open about my attraction to you just as I am with males and would like the same. Attraction could be physically, emotionally, sexually or some other and even a combination of that. Interests in specific traits and/or characteristics may change but attraction is forever constant. And since that is so how can someone being attracted to their own gender or both genders be a phase?

Is a “white” person attracted to another “white” person just a phase? Is a “white” person attracted to a “black” person just a phase? Why or why not? I can give more examples. But it’s repetitive, rhetorical for you and boring to me because I’ve already figured it out. The question is, have YOU figured it out, yet?!

I’m in touch with mySELF (my inner being). I know what I feel and will express it. If I don’t have the words, yet, to define something, then I guarantee you I’ll find it and will share it with you. I’m not scared nor disgusted with the idea of being in love or simply liking my own gender. I’m not scared nor disgusted with the idea of my own gender being attracted to me and making a move on me. I used to AFTER I allowed the views of religion to influence my thinking that it was the gay/lesbian communities who were confused and damned to hell. But honestly, it was just me not understanding attraction and how it works. But I know enough now to embrace it apologizing to those I may have condemned for it; especially when I took on the christian way of living.

I have graduated religion/christian like two years ago (age 16-24) and haven’t been a christian for a couple of years now and won’t be again for the rest of my life. A few people seem to think I gave up on religion and/or christianity or left it because someone did me wrong or something. That is flat out false; I learned a lot in christianity (anyone can). But I specifically chose the word ‘graduated’ because it’s the most accurate term of my no longer being a christian or follower and/or teacher of religion. If I go back, it will be as a Seeker of Truth (SOT) and not as a christian. Rather to simply share what I’ve been shown as a devoted Seeker of Truth (the main reason why I chose to be single - and when you have no distractions like that of a relationship nor children you can maximize your full potential of concentrating and as a result surpass those who’ve been in something longer who has other “responsibilities” flooding their mind; having their hands full; spreading themselves; having a full plate that only delays the graduation process) without influencing one’s experience. And yea I know that the old people who are stuck in tradition being close-minded even in the religion will have a HUGE problem with me; because they think they know it all. That their many years as a christian says it all. But from a divine perspective they haven’t graduated either because they have “responsibilities” (e.g. marriage, relationships, kids) or keep flunking or don’t realize they even need to graudate. It took me 8 years because my mind AND time were split between SOT and being in relationships. Some folks are christians for years and years at a time and I mean 20 plus years. Ouch! Glad it didn’t take me that long, but would have been cool to get it in like 4 or 2. haha.

Anyway, I’m not interested in sharing all that other knowledge just, yet. If I die before I get a chance then it wasn’t for me to share and for you to want to know bad enough, then you don’t need nor would want to wait for me to share, you’d simply seek it on your own as I have. If I don’t die, then I will share at some unknown time. So, graduated religion/christianity just as a student graduates college and moves on. Got it now?! As I got older, I startered to view religion as simply a school for the spirit world but I can’t honestly say it’s even that. It’s one big “history” book of what is “claimed” to have happened in this world as the history books in schools are just a book of events “claimed” to have happened in this world. Take the meat and throw away the bones. Say thanks and give respects to wherever needed and move on.

So I give thanks and respects to christianity and what it taught me. Heck, had it not been for the youth pastors constantly advising me that I shouldn’t be concerned with relationships and should just focus more on my relationship with God, I’d probably still be a christian and would have not graduated, yet. I’m sure they didn’t expect this result, though, in them advising such. It’s actually great advice that they themselves should have taken. But they were married, like their relationship with God was more important enough to get a divorce especially with them having kids, too. What are the chances of that happening?! So they’ve got to spread themselves, not being “able” to give themselves to God as I can having no responsibilities like that. Hey, you didn’t see Christ all in some relationship nor did he have kids (they “say” he had no relationship nor kids — they “say” a lot of things). But going on what they “say” and hold on to as if absolute Truth, well if you want to be like Christ (as you believe he was) then be like him and get divorced and put your kids up for adoption. Play the part in full instead of doing a half %#&@$! job and only want to tackle the so-called “loving” part of him. It shouldn’t be hard if you really love him like you sing, declare and preach that you do. I mean you’ve got people leaving other people to be with someone else or to follow their dream — because they want it just that much. So what’s your deal with this Christ you claim you love so darn much that you’d do anything for espeically if you know it will enhance your relationship with God (as you advised me that turned out true in all ways), to do so?! Backfired advice sounds harsh, huh? Well don’t want to get divorced nor put your kids up for adoption to those who don’t want to be like Christ but prefer to be themselves and want kids, then be real about it and stop saying you want to be like someone you claim you love so much, when you really don’t (at least not to that capacity anyway). You’re better off just being honest with yourself and being flat out just yourself anyway (whoever that is - I bet you don’t even know) than lying to yourself and being someone else or trying to be (wannabe). Follow your own advice, people. I eventually took their advice since I was in a better position to do so than they were and hadn’t looked back since. No regrets. Thanks guys! And this is who I’ve become as a result of my desire for Truth. I absolutely LOVE who I am; always have.

With all that said so you can see part of my background (more you can read throughout my site: MeetHalima.com). And in the course of my continuance of life after graduation, I have come to an intriguing understanding about emotion and attraction a couple of months ago or so but even more clear now than then. I’ve always had an interest in human behavior (why people do what they do or don’t and when they choose to not do or do something). I was ignorant then due to me choosing to blind myself due to heavy religious influence (didn’t want to go to their “hell”) but now I get it. If anything I humble myself and accept this clear understanding with joy.

I’m not the kind of person who cares what people think especially if their “logic” makes absolutely no sense. I’m open to hear what people have to say on any subject, but I’ve always been a great listener, observer and intuitive. So don’t think you can run some garbage by me and expect me to swallow, let alone pick it up to eat. I process information as quick as you speak it a lot of times. And sometimes before you can finish your sentence because I recognize easily mindsets I used to have. So know how you think, but I’ll let you finish your sentence anyway. hehe. Just that I’m several steps ahead of you in conversation.

In addition, I do respect people’s views, choices and way of living. So if you are one to have some sort of problem with me then that is absolutely fine. I couldn’t careless because what do you do to enhance my life for the better anyway? Opposing me with a “bully” mentality is just a waste of time as I’m not going to entertain it nor waste my time fighting back because you don’t like something I’ve said. Boo-hoo. Go suck on a bottle and you’ll feel better. Do youreslf some good and live your life as you want to and stay out of my zone. It’s really that simple.

But I warn you don’t do as I had done in my past and condemn people for living a life you may not like nor agree with due to your religious, personal upbringing of things that truly hold no weight (test it yourself and see these words are true). Instead just live YOUR life the best way that brings about the most happiness for you. So…

It’s not a phase. You just lack the understanding of attraction. But to end on a more positive statement:

It’s not a phase. You just haven’t fully grasped what attraction is and how it works. (looking at the glass half full rather than empty — hehe)

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